This Gingerbread Man
© Cupideros, Saturday, June 17, 2006

Once long ago in the same neighborhood where the little old man and the little old woman in their little old house cooked the first Gingerbread Man lived a Good Witch who fed cookies and milk to all the lost and abandoned children.  One day she was baking another batch of tasty treats made from sugar, chocolate, lemon, macaroon, butter and brownie cookie dough mixes.   The kitchen was a tidy mess, but the Good Witch could clean it all up with a wave of her magic wand.  She beat the batter with her wooden spoon inside her magic pan while she sang. 

"May these tasty treats,
Make the children bleat
Never, never, more.

Doughy magic sweets
Make their troubles retreat
Forever, and ever more."

She put the batter on a wood plate and made a variety of pleasant shapes. With her sharp butcher knife, she went chop, chop cutting the batter into hearts and doves, books and balls, pinwheels and lotus flowers.  Why she even made a sun and a moon, but her special shape above all was the Gingerbread Man four-foot tall.

She placed two cookie pans in the oven and turned the heat up high.  For nearly an hour, she watched the cookie dough and sang, "Oh how the children will love to devour…."

When the clock chirped, she removed the first cookie pan and turned to place it on the old wooden table.  But when she turned around to remove the second cookie brands, she found the four-foot tall Gingerbread Man standing there his face very sour. 

He grabbed the butcher knife and wiped the dough on his gingerbread coat sleeve.  "So you thought to give me to lost or abandoned children to eat and devour," and he smiled.  "We'll, I have other plans Good Witch!"   This Gingerbread Man dived through the open window while the Good Witch stood astonished.  As he ran with his swift little feet, he sang. 

"Stop trying to catch This Gingerbread Man! 
He won't be eaten by lost or abandoned children
Or Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"

The Good Witch thought, "What went wrong?"  Normally, she’s clever and cool-headed but she grew angry.  Then she shook her head, and washed her hands in the air and said, "My creation will not best me.”  Off she gave chase banging her wooden spoon on her magic pan and forgetting her magic wand.

The cows in a nearby pasture grazed and This Gingerbread Man was very hungry.  So he wiped his knife on his doughy sleeve and scattered the cows until he cornered one.  The married Cow Owner was careless and watching a pretty girl washing her clothes in a nearby creek.  This Gingerbread Man made a fire for the Good Witch’s spell made him very bright. 
At dusk, the Careless Cow Owner noticed one of his cows missing.  He quickly followed the faint, lingering smell of roast beef near a cave. 
"I Ah!  I caught you thief," yelled the Careless Cow Owner. 
But This Gingerbread Man wiped his bloody butcher knife on his sleeve and slashed his way forward out of the cave and ran for his life.
"You smell good," said the Careless Cow Owner.  "I'll enjoy eating you."
As This Gingerbread Man ran with his swift little feet he sang,

"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! 
He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children,
The Careless Cow Owner or the
Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"

The Good Witch followed right behind the Careless Cow Owner and told him all about This Gingerbread Man.

***
Days passed and This Gingerbread Man slept peacefully near a sheep farm.  The sheep grazed on the farm in a pen.  The sun began to rise when This Gingerbread Man's stomached growled something fierce.  "I think I'll chase a sheep down and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner."

And that's just what he did.  He was lounging behind the hay bin when the Sleeping Sheep Owner noticed the last whiff of Gingerbread and roast lamb scent saucing the air.  "Uggggh, I'll get the poacher who stole my wee little white sheep!"  He ran about following his nose, until he found This Gingerbread Man holding his tummy and picking his teeth with a sheep toe bone.
"You smell good," The Sheep Owner said, as he stomped forward to ring This Gingerbread Man’s neck. “I’ll enjoy gobbling you up.”
This Gingerbread Man whipped out his bloody butcher knife.  "Stand back if you know what's good for you, Sleeping Sheep Owner.  If you'd been doing your duty, this never would have happened."  And This Gingerbread Man dashed off across the fields of growing corn stalks.  The Sheep Owner picked up a pitchfork and gave chase. 
As This Gingerbread Man ran with his swift little feet he sang,

"Stop trying to catch This Gingerbread Man!
He won't be eaten by lost or abandoned children,
The Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner
Or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"

The Cow Owner and the Good Witch followed right behind the Sheep Owner and told him all about This Gingerbread Man.

***
Now This Gingerbread Man sat hiding out for three days down by a pond having eluded the Careless Cow owner and the Sleeping Sheep owner and the Good Witch.  He was thirsty and drank some water; but evening had arrived.  He hadn't a decent meal in three days.  So he decided to catch one of the ducks. 
"I would catch that ugly duck, but it is too far away.  The Pretty Duck Father will have to due for my growling stomach."

In no time flat, using a fake wife duck sound, This Gingerbread Man lured the Pretty Duck Father into a shrub and quickly killed him and plucked his feathers.  This Gingerbread Man sat beside a tall tree nearby and roasted the duck over a small fire.  "Ahhh, delicious.  Not bad for a meal."
No sooner than he'd voice his chef's opinion, did the duck's wife come looking for her missing husband. 

"Dear Duck Husband, my loving pair. 
Come, come, your dinner is prepared."

She went all around the pond until she saw a figure by the tree.  She went closer and saw the duckbill stuck in the dirt.  She gasped in horror and picked up a rock screaming, "I'll kill you!"
As This Gingerbread Man jumped and ran with his swift little feet he sang,

"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man!
He won't be eaten by lost or abandoned children,
The Pretty Duck's Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner,
The Careless Cow Owner or the
Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"

The Sheep Owner, and Cow Owner, and the Good Witch followed behind the Pretty Duck Wife and told her all about This Gingerbread Man.

This Gingerbread Man ran into a large mansion with well-manicured lawn full of man-shaped bushes.  The bushes stood eight-feet tall, but This Gingerbread Man quickly went inside the lawn maze.  He could hear the footsteps and voices of the Pretty Duck Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner and the Good Witch all pursuing him.  No sooner was he in the maze for a minute that he realized he was quite lost.
"Don't worry," said the Lady of the Mansion.  "My bush lawn had captured many a criminal in the past.  It'll catch This Wicked Gingerbread Man too!"
"Oh, cookies and milk," whispered This Gingerbread Man in fear for the first time in his life.
"Psst, Psst," said a tiny voice deep inside one of the squares of dark green bushes.  "I know the way out, follow me," and a large red fox with a white tail poked his head out of the manicured shrubs.

"Lead the way, wise and Sly Fox," replied This smiling Gingerbread Man.
The Sly Fox scurried this way and that.  He turned first left, then he circled around and all the while they heard the voices getting closer.  This Gingerbread Man following pulled out his long bloody butcher knife and wiped it on his bloody sleeve.  If he's leading me into a trap.....This Gingerbread Man thought.
On opening occurred in the bushes before a wide river. "There!" said the wise, Sly Fox.
Before the Sly Fox could turn around, This Gingerbread Man tucked away his butcher knife.  "Thank you," This Gingerbread Man whispered. 
The Sly Fox replied, "You can swim across, but I'm afraid you'll get all wet and die anyway," and the Sly Fox put his paw to his jaw thinking.  "Now if you crawled on my tail, I'm sure you could make it, dry as the sky."
The voices grew closer and the Lady of the Mansion, said, "They can't be far.  Someone must be helping This Wicked Gingerbread Man."
This Gingerbread Man crawled up on the fox’s white tail and they started across the gentle currents of the river."

"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man!
He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children,
The Lady of the Mansion, the Pretty Duck's Wife,
The Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner
Or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"

"There he is!” shouted the Lady of the Mansion.
"He's getting away!" cried the Pretty Duck's Wife.
"Whose going to pay for my lost sheep!" grumbled the Sheep Owner.
"Now I've lost my beef!" yelled the Cow Owner.
"This Mean Gingerbread Man is going to escape from my pan to a new land!" added the Good Witch banging her spoon on her magic pan.  “And what about all those hungry lost and abandoned children?”

The water got higher.  "You'd better crawl up on my back," said the Sly Fox.  We're halfway there."
This Gingerbread Man crawled up on his back.  He reached inside his coat and touched his knife as they swam on.
The voices on the lawn grew faint and This Gingerbread Man whipped out his bloody butcher knife and saluted the crowd.  They only saw a glint like a mirror as This Gingerbread Man hid the butcher knife behind his back.

The water began to wet the foxes lower back.  "Hurry climb up on my nose and you'll be safe, This Gingerbread Man."
"I knew you'd come through for me," replied This Gingerbread Man.
Just as the pair neared the shoreline, This Gingerbread Man brought his bloody butcher knife out before the Sly Fox’s opening mouth.  "Now you were not about to eat me were you, Sly Little Fox?"

The Sly Fox trembled in fear.  "Of course not!  I just had to yawn and I had an itch on my nose." 
This Gingerbread Man flashed a knowing smile, "A yawn and an itch on your nose," he chuckled.  He hoped off and slashed the throat of the Sly Little Fox in one swift movement.  "You're not much of a meal for my growling stomach, Sly Little Fox, but you'll have to due."  And This Gingerbread Man roasted the fox over an open fire and sang his song:

"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man!
He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children,
The Lady of the Mansion, the Pretty Duck's Wife,
The Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner
Or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan...
And he'll be eaten least of all
By the Sly Little Fox with his poorly laid plan."


--THE END--